Things are seriously all over the place. The young man playing Jake has had a family crisis come up so has had to drop out of the film again. Luckily, he gave me contact information for another actor. I'm going to be taking a look at him today and see what I think. I also have a Kristine becoming a possibility. Here's the thing, I've become a bit nostalgic the past couple days. Mainly in seeing where my film started and seeing what it's slowly becoming. Here's a brief history on Invisible Diary of a Disabled Man:
When I was 11 or 12 the Terri Schiavo case was kind of a big deal. I remembered hearing about a woman in the persistent vegetative state and wondered to myself how terrifying that must be to still be conscious of the world around you but not be able to tell anyone anything.
When I was 15, Mrs. Schiavo passed away and I was still rolling around in my head how utterly terrifying it would be. I was making monster movies with my friends and stop motion films by myself at the time so never really put much thought into a movie or anything about this.
When I was 18, I read a book about making short films. I had made short films all of my life but nothing worth any note. However, it then occurred to me to write a short script about the human vegetative idea that I'd been rolling around in my head.
When I was 19, I was in technical college trying to get a degree for something to fall back on. However, I was continuing to try and get the film together. Any film, really. I shot a few things (Zedward) but nothing that was ever finished because I also had a job and my friends had other things to do than sit around making a stupid zombie movie.
When I was 20, I had a lot going on in my life (becoming a father, going to college, working) and seriously kinda gave up on shooting Invisible Diary. I wrote a few short films but a lot of garbage in my life prevented me from really pushing forward with anything.
When I was 21, my life felt like it was in ruins so I turned to religion. I had been...agnostic or atheist for a long time and just felt like I was digging a deeper and deeper grave for myself. I rolled around in this circle for a while and shot video projects for them. However, I felt really depressed hanging out with these people. I didn't feel like myself around them and felt like a fake. I kept the belief I had gained there but dropped everything else (remember in the first post, I'm spiritual but not at all religious?).
Anyway, here I am 23 (24 next Saturday) and I'm finally getting this film together. A film that I never felt super serious about has easily become a film I am very passionate about. It's funny how things work that way. The current draft of Invisible Diary is not the version I wrote when I was 18. I've edited the script as I've grown older and feel that certain parts of me have matured. The overall story is still the same but I feel like Jake has changed. He's still the punk ass kid I wrote about when I was 18 but he's grown a bit with me.
If this film turns out to totally suck, then I wasn't meant to be a director and I apologize to all my actors in advance. However, if my film turns out to be something truly great, something that transcends time, then I've done my job. However, Kurosawa once said, "Movie directors, or should I say people who create things, are very greedy and they can never be satisfied...that's why they can keep on working. I've been able to work for so long because I think next time, I'll make something good." In short, I'll probably never be satisfied with my films. I'm always going to be a junkie looking for his next fix. If anyone ever wants to quote me in the future, you're more than welcome to use that.
At the end of a day, no matter how terrible or how great, the only thing that truly matters is...
I'm Still In.