Why Do I Do This to Myself?
Do you know the worst thing that's happened since I started making films? I started watching terrible movies simply because I know people in them. Why? Why do I insist on supporting people by watching terrible productions they were a part of? Anyway, here's a list of movies I've subjugated myself to because I want to support people. Well, time to shoot myself in the foot and say something stupid.
I worked with Gary Neuger and Josh Outzen. They were both in this movie and I figured that I'd watch it to support them. I genuinely do not know why this movie had a high star rating on imdb for so long. This makes Raw Force look amazing. Oh wait, Raw Force is amazing. Um, this makes Samurai Cop 2 look amazing. Yes, two porn stars and Tommy Wiseau are more appealing than this movie. It was poorly written and didn't make a lot of sense. The only thing I really remember is the zombie vs marine movie on TV. I also remember that there is a part at the beginning where there was a missing frame. This is a thing that happens if you don't properly connect your footage while editing. I was extremely embarrassed that this made the final cut.
I had a Kickstarter going a few years back. I was asked by a guy involved in this project if I could donate to him and he'd donate to me. Since I was really unfamiliar with crowdfunding at the time (I even called it crowdsourcing in a blog post) I figured that this would be okay. Long story short, he made the money and I didn't. I received a copy of the Blu-ray (by the way, it contains a trailer for A Final Hit). I tried watching this movie three times and not one of those times was I aware what was going on in the movie. These guys had A LOT more money than I ever will but their lighting was trash. I have never watched the full thing because I don't know what's going on. I even asked a few friends if they knew what was happening and they were just as confused as I was.
I actually know A LOT of people involved in this movie. I've either worked with them or have met them on sets. The problem I have with this was the horrible writing and the "Colorado actors." This is a phrase I use a lot. I don't know why but a lot of the big actors in Colorado have this weird style of overacting. I don't see it in every Colorado production and have not worked with any of the people that do this. It's a weird thing that one of my actor buddies named and it was weird because I immediately understood what he meant.
What brainless dipshit made this movie? It's fucking awful. The character of Dick Stilettos is the most offensive character to ever appear in a movie. I don't care that there were porn directors who behaved in such a fashion in the 90s and early 2000s! This is 2021 and we need to #MeToo Dick Stilettos as soon as possible. While we're at it, we need to #MeToo Detective Constineyellow too. Playing with boobs while he's at work. What's the deal with these characters not being concerned about a murder? They care more about sex than they do about murder. This film is obviously made by a mongoloid who should only be known for screaming "let's make a movie, guys!"
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