Halloween: The Adventures of Lumpy

Starring: Two geriatrics fighting each other
Written by: Jeff Fradley, Danny McBride, and David Gordon Green
Directed by: David Gordon Green

There is a character in this movie named Lumpy. Not one of the negative reviews I've read or watched has acknowledged this fact. The child Michael Myers kills in the car is named Lumpy. My negative review does not hinge solely upon this fact, but I feel it is also the perfect illustration of how much people did not care with the production of this movie. Lumpy is a name I would put in as a placeholder in a script that I already didn't care about. Ugh.

Lumpy is the least of my problems with this movie. The movie also suffers from trashing the storyline from Halloween 2 where Laurie Strode is Michael's sister. "But RJ, that aspect of Halloween 2 was stupid." I don't care about your opinion on that storyline. It is a plot point that is integral to the rest of the movies though. It makes sense in H20 that Laurie Strode is still traumatized by the events of Halloween twenty years earlier. Events in which her psychotic brother attempted to murder her throughout Halloween night. Despite getting stabbed in the neck, getting a coat hanger in his eye, stabbed, shot six times, falling out a window, getting shot some more, getting shot in the eyes, and still finding time to strut around after exploding.

In H40, a psycho killer fell out a window and was promptly arrested and has been behind bars 40 years. It doesn't make sense to keep expecting him to escape. There is no reason for Laurie Strode to be this obsessed with some guy who was immediately arrested.

I understand the desire to take Michael back to basics. Making Michael a force of evil to be reckoned with. There are better ways to approach this though. For one, having Michael Myers get arrested was a stupid idea. If you want Laurie Strode to be terrified of Michael Myers, he's still out there. Hell, have Laurie move far away from Haddonfield because she felt his ever looming presence haunting the town. However, due to the trauma from that night, she's still terrified of waking up and seeing him. Then on the radio, she hears on the news about mysterious murders happening once again in Haddonfield. She decides to face her fears and kill Michael once and for all.

As I said, there were better ways to go about this and having Michael Myers in an asylum was one of the worst paths to take. The entire subplot with the therapist reeked of the Cult of Thorn and this could have been removed if they had just taken my aforementioned approach.

Look, I'm not a genius filmmaker, I'm probably pretty awful. I get annoyed with people praising mediocre trash like it's the Second Coming of Christ. I don't know, maybe it's just horror fans sucking off Jason Blum like Twitter users suck off A24.