I feel like such a bastard, but at least I admit it. A few weeks ago I was betrayed by a fellow filmmaker and ever since then I haven't really wanted to post anything interesting on this blog. I feel like hoarding all my information to myself and saying "fuck you guys, figure it out yourselves. That's how I had to do it."
I know I shouldn't be this way, it's just hard not to feel this way when people hurt you. I had helped out this guy so much and instead he tries to destroy my credibility. I remember the main reason I started blogging was so other filmmakers could read this and feel encouraged but how am I supposed to encourage someone when I, myself, am so extremely discouraged. Maybe this will encourage some kid somewhere down the line who has just been betrayed by someone they felt was a friend.
I've been having a bunch of doubt lately. Mainly because I don't like any of the films I've made. A few people have told me Through the Devil's Eyes is good but I feel like they're kissing my ass. Hell there's even a review on imdb right now saying that it's a decent and well directed film. Ha, I wish I wrote something so nice about Through the Devil's Eyes. I'm not kind to any of my films, I'm even starting to despise A Final Hit and I poured actual blood and tears into that film.
Maybe I just don't care because I don't like my films, or maybe I don't like myself and take it out on my films. Whatever. Did you just hear that? It was me sighing very loudly because I made another personal post. I really do not like doing that. I don't like making personal posts because I don't like people knowing anything about my life. Heck, we had a party and most of my actors didn't even know I had a sister or a brother. It's not like anyone reads this anyway. Well, there's my post. Hope it did something for someone.