Let's see, three weeks. Yeah, I'd say that's long enough for me to get things back to running properly here. I don't really NEED to but it'd be nice...right?
Okay, so last Friday I posted a casting call out on the interwebs asking for actors for my film. Why didn't I tell anyone about this? Because this thing posts on Friday morning and I did what I needed to do on Friday night. I've rented out a meeting room at the library because I really didn't know where else to go since my original plan fell through. Yeah, it'll probably come across as stupid and I'll probably flub things up by the end of this but that's where I am right now.
Am I nervous? Fuck yes, I'm nervous. I feel like a scared little kid who has no idea what's going on. I feel like I have no control over this situation. I feel like I'm strapped to a roller coaster and can't get off. I'm not scared, I'm fucking terrified. Yes, I've made short films in the past. Yes, I've directed people and gotten decent performances out of them.
I find myself waking up every day wondering if everything occurring around me is real. I feel like I stepped into some weird alternate dimension. For the last few years, my life has really sucked. I didn't really feel like anyone was supporting me and treating me like I had some pipe dream. I was trying to get things going but they always fell apart before I could even get started on them. It wasn't like I was telling people "I want to be a filmmaker." No, I was stating "I am a filmmaker."
I knew my mom supported me but that was the only person I knew believed in me. My dad made me constantly feel like I had some stupid fantasy (I don't feel that way AS much now), my sister made me feel like my head was in the clouds, my brother...well he has his own shit he deals with. The extended family is something I don't even want to talk about. I dated a girl for a long time who would talk about how I wanted to make movies but never really supported me when it came down to it.
Do you know what? Fuck all those people. I knew the whole time, no matter how shitty they would make me feel, that I was a filmmaker. It's time I prove to all those bastards what I have known all along. I have a whole group of people supporting me in this (Lizzy, Marco, Chris, Eric YOU GUYS ROCK!). Yeah, fuck everyone else, they're douche bags.
Sorry, went into honesty mode again. Anyway, auditions are on the 29th. So, YAY! Let's go out there and kick some ass!
I'm Still In, Mother Fuckers!