I have finally finished Invisible Diary of a Disabled Man! Yes, I mean everything. I've shown a few friends and family members to see what they think of it and the overall consensus is it's very good. That makes me happy because by this point, I hate the film, ha ha. However, that doesn't keep me from considering doing a commentary track for the film. I wouldn't do that until the film has gained some popularity and has been seen on youtube and vimeo. For now though, I'm more interested in shooting Through the Devil's Eyes. By the way, if you haven't seen it yet, I put up a new production photo gallery for the film. I'm sure many of you know that it's a giallo film, but I've taken to calling it a slasher film since that's what most people in the states understand and explaining that Psycho gave birth to giallo which in turn gave birth to slasher, is just too much information for normal people to understand. The only information regarding the film that I am willing to release is that it's set in the 80's and is about a halfway house for mentally ill young adults to reintegrate into society. I won't release pictures of all the props but did want to show off a small bit of my current collection, just so people know this film is actually happening. Just wanted to update everyone on the current status of Invisible Diary of a Disabled Man and Through the Devil's Eyes.
I'm going thorough some shit right now. More emotionally than anything. I miss Lizzy, a whole hell of a lot. I haven't really talked about it on here but I figure this blog is an exploration with my personal life as much as it is my filmmaking life because I realized they are both one in the same. I can't separate these two lives just like writers use their lives as inspiration of their personal life within their writings (some a bit less subtle than others, *cough* Stephen King *cough*). The truth of the matter is Lizzy is a huge part of my filmmaking life just like she's a huge part of my personal life. I've thanked her in the credits for Invisible Diary and named a character in Through the Devil's Eyes after her. She's an amazing friend and with her in Mexico (a shitty place to be) I'm worried about her as much as I'm worried about putting this next film together. I've already started piecing the film together but a piece of me is worried that it won't come together. Yes, I know I had the same issue with Invisible Diary but I can't fight this feeling.
I said last post that I think this whole experience is gonna help me grow and I stick by that. It's just difficult to feel these feelings at the same time. It's kind of depressing to be quite honest. A lot of guys reading this are probably like "Eh, it's a girl there's thousands like them. You must not love film if you can't just get over it." And in most cases I would agree 100%. The thing is, Lizzy is my best friend in the whole wide world. That's the difference. A lot of filmmakers admit that their best friend was the most supportive of them. Sam Raimi had Bruce Campbell. John Carpenter had Debra Hill. Robert Rodriguez had Elizabeth Avellan and Carlos Gallardo. I hate to admit that book was right, mainly because it suggests racking up as much debt as physically possible to make a film that no one will notice and then pay off those debts. I'm sorry, I refuse to be so stupid about making a movie. I want Netflix to send my movie out to people, I want people to show the movie to their friends, I want people to ask themselves "Who the fuck is this guy and where the fuck did he come from?" I want people to want to see more of my films. I don't want to hide away behind a book and tell people "To learn more about this filmmaking style, go buy my movies for $20 on Amazon."
Maybe it's more than a coincidence I discovered a Finnish band called Poets of the Fall before I started Invisible Diary. A band that, while extremely talented, were on their last legs when they released their first album. They then skyrocketed to popularity in Finland and Germany and India and everywhere else that isn't the US. Being one of the few Poets of the Fall fans in the US is not fun when you think about talking to people about music. However, their albums inspire me every time I listen to them and I realize why I'm so crazy about this band.
Maybe even though I don't have the Debra Hill to my John Carpenter, I need to remember that John Carpenter doesn't have his either but he's still fighting. The Ward wasn't great but it was a good return for a man whose last feature was Ghosts of Mars. My point is he still continues to trudge on, even if no one believes in him (I still believe in you, JC!). Maybe that's the point of this post overall. Even though my best friend is gone from my life, I'll still continue to fight through and prevail. Not so much for when my best friend comes back that she'll be proud of me but more so that I can have something better for myself. I want to be happy with my films. Yes, I'll constantly strive for something more from them but I want to be happy with them. Maybe, I'm supposed to teach myself to rely more upon myself than anyone else. I need to believe in myself even if I make dozens of kick ass films but people tend to only recognize me for one. Maybe that's what I'm supposed to be learning. Well, I'm still gonna fight, even with my friend gone, this war will never end until I'm dead and six feet under.
Okay, so I said last post that I was nearing the end with Invisible Diary I added the music the other day and color corrected the film. I'm gonna watch it a few thousand times tonight and make sure everything looks amazing. At the end of July we're gonna have our wrap party and all the cast members will be taking home a free DVD. I find this particular aspect a bit hilarious. Whenever I make it big and having a DVD of Invisible Diary of a Disabled Man is something unheard of, my actors can sell their copies on ebay or something. It may never happen but the idea makes me laugh. I seriously only need one more thing to make sure the film is perfect. It's just a bit of foley but other than that, I'd say the film's done. At this party, Through the Devil's Eyes will also be announced and I'll find out who wants to be in that. I have a lot going on but I don't feel like it's too much on my plate. The only thing I could ask is that Lizzy was around for this. Sadly, it looks like I'm going to face it alone. However, this is not necessarily a bad thing, it may help me grow as a person and a filmmaker. I want to say this chapter is officially over but I don't want to say that until the film has premiered. However, this is a weird chapter in which one continues as another begins. I guess that's just how life is. I decided to stop doing the I'm Still In thing because I realized that I can never truly give up filmmaking. No matter how hard I try and no matter how hard things get, I'm still a filmmaker in my heart. It's the only thing that makes me happy and I think I'll be like Kinji Fukasaku and even be in the middle of making a film when I die. I just hope my kid doesn't make a shitty film after I'm dead.
Well, today was the day of voice over at Decades Apart Productions. I'm currently editing all the voice over track and adding it to the movie. It actually looks amazing with it. I'm super excited about this! I have a couple scenes to color correct and some audio to add (music tracks and sound effects and such) but the movie is looking really, really good. I'm going to be having a wrap party towards the end of July where I'll announce Through the Devil's Eyes and see who would like to move onto that project. I've learned a lot through this project and I'll continue to learn on the next project. I'm hoping to begin on Through the Devil's Eyes by October at the latest. Wish me luck with that. I know that I just finished Invisible Diary of a Disabled Man but I don't quite feel the sense of accomplishment I usually feel with a film. Maybe because I have Through the Devil's Eyes already on my mind and know that that film isn't even close to being finished and think to myself how excited I am to take on that behemoth. Maybe it's because I didn't get the sequence I wanted and settled for something less. I highly doubt this is the case because I've had to make compromises in the past and never was disappointed with the finished film. Maybe it's because this film ISN'T done yet. Yes, I have the voice over done now but there's still a lot to do. Maybe it's a mix of the first thing and the last thing. Maybe it's because I'm scared. I'm scared of what's next. In all honesty, part of me had been beaten down by people so much I kind of doubted myself that this would be a possibility. Now, I can tell all those dudes to fuck off because I made my short film. I may be broke now but I did manage to finish it. Maybe that's the merit of a true filmmaker. You may be in debt up to your eyeballs but you finished the film under budget. I've met numerous filmmakers who cannot make the same claim. They crack under pressure or they run out of money to shoot their movie or some other crap happens to them. I'm not talking about the big budget guys here either. I'm talking about short filmmakers that have done this stuff. I never finished film school but I accomplished something a lot of those kids aren't able to. I pulled off a one man shoot and made a pretty decent film. I'm ready to do it again. If I can make Through the Devil's Eyes in a reasonable amount of time and make that a kick ass film too, I say the sky is the limit. I know you guys won't get a credit in the film but I really want to thank all of you for your support.
So I was supposed to shoot the final scene for Invisible Diary this week but the actress had some things come up. I'm just glad that it isn't a super important scene for my movie, it was funny and entertaining but could definitely be thrown away unlike the other scenes that I have already shot. I'm not happy to do that but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I'm wasting time and money to get started on Through the Devil's Eyes. So I decided to call it a wrap on Invisible Diary (minus all the voice over work Gregg needs to do) and get started on Through the Devil's Eyes. By the way, you may notice that I now have an imdb page but don't have anything listed on the page. Well, it's because I'm a hobo and imdb doesn't believe anything hobos have to say about...well anything. Usually it's a good stand to take since hobos are usually rambling on and on about nonsense but my movies are real things. You guys freaking saw it last week when I posted a trailer! By the way, that is the official trailer and I think I'm going to start doing trailers like that from now on. I have gotten a lot of positive responses when it comes to the trailer and I really want to start doing all of my trailers in that fashion. Just music and random clips (whether they be outtakes or actual film clips). So, I'm gonna begin putting the film together with all the required audio snippets and everything and it's off to the festivals. While I stay at home and start working on Through the Devil's Eyes.